One of the things I am most amazed at about my addiction to alcohol is that I have physical symptoms that are undisputedly directly related to drinking alcohol, yet, despite me knowing this I still continue to drink. (well, this is day 2 of my too-many-times-to count attempts to stop drinking, but I have long known the physical consequences I incur on my body each time I drink, despite wishing I could stop, or at least control my drinking.)
I am talking about physical symptoms beyond just what many people consider a typical hangover, like headache and dehydration. Although, when you think about it, who is OK living w/ a chronic hangover for most days of the week? A person addicted to alcohol, that’s who.
Over the years I have accepted feelings of chronic fatigue, headaches, nausea, anxiousness, general muscle soreness, and numbness/tingling of my extremities as part of my everyday general health status. ‘This is just what happens because I drink.’ ‘These are physical aspects of my life that I am OK with. I don’t love them, but I accept them’.
This is what I thought for many years after I knew I had an addiction to alcohol. I accepted living my life with all these negative physical symptoms b/c I didn’t see any other way not to.
And what about the chronic cracks on the sides of my mouth that is most likely due to a vitamin B deficiency related to excessive alcohol intake? I try to take care of them externally w/ ointments and vitamin supplements, knowing that if I stop drinking the cracks will most likely go away… but I can’t stop drinking (!!!???)
And how about the digestive side effects of alcohol consumption? For me this is a topic unto itself. The chronic inflammation of my gut that causes nausea, vomiting, esophageal reflux (to the point where sometimes I can’t swallow while eating because my esophageal muscles are spasming –painful and frightening). And the sour smelling, thick and heavy (or light and airy) poops that are so off from my normal bowel movements. I think to myself…. ‘what is this doing to my insides?’
The point I am trying to make is how can I, a person who values her health so much, sabotage it so severely by this one very bad habit?
Addiction is the answer to that question. I know the answer. My hope is to find a solution to overcome my addiction. Stay tuned.